Something in me snapped into reality

I was watching television last night and saw a travel commercial.  Now, I've seen lots of travel commercials and most of the time, simply pass them off.  But there was an image in this commercial that seized me.  A bikini clad woman runs towards a cliff.  As she runs towards the edge, a beautiful blue lagoon is exposed, deep enough to jump into, which is what this woman did, jump.

I began wondering where my tropical island vacation went?

"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."

~William Shakespeare

Throughout my life, I always felt the latter in Shakespeare's famous quote.  I felt it would be thrust upon me; I would handle it eloquently, and become rich and fantastic as a result.  At least wealthy enough to do anything, or go anywhere without worry.

As I watch this imagery of the woman and the lagoon, I get depressed.  My life is progressing.  I'm twenty-eight and still working an hourly job.  I punch my card day in and day out, working for the weekend, and my weekends are nothing to brag about.  I know this is the case of many people with dreams.  I also know there are some who writhe at the thought of it; they're happy "just the way things are."  But that's not me.

Everyday, I read more and more of young successes.  These beautiful models, the young actors and athletes who strike success and travel the world, talk about their work which they do because they love it and get paid "very well" to do it.  I don't fail to note that these successful children are roughly 5-8 years my younger.  It may not seem like much but I feel a great jealously towards them.  How did they do it?  What have they got that I don't?  What opportunities were they offered and snatched up that weren't offered to me?  Was I even paying attention?

Again, there are many people who have this same sense of entitlement.  I'm sure this "sense of entitlement" will be construed as self-centeredness but that's not me.  I sincerely and selflessly give and offer my services to anyone whenever I can without needing anything in return, and typically refuse repayments.  I try not to brag about myself or act selfishly (and probably, compensate by belittling someone or something to make myself more appealing, to myself if not anyone else, but I'm dealing with that as best I can.)

So now, I'm on a quest.  Within the next two years, I'm going to a tropical island or two (even if I have to accumulate a lot of debt to do it.)  Not a cruise, per se, because cruises always have the large groups of old folks or screaming children and small quarters and other restrictions.  I'm going to find a freedom filled, excursion. With warm weather, plenty of sun and sand and blue skies and bluer lagoons where bikini-clad women love to jump.