The Most Despised Question

"How's it goin'?"

I really don't like that question. What am I supposed to say? "Forward?" What is this "it" you speak of? Or when they ask, "What's up?" or even worse, "t'sup?" What the hell is "t'sup?" It's been my experience that these questions, are part of a large stock of fodder questions. It's a question that doesn't actually do or mean much of anything. It's a question people seem to keep in reserve. It's subdued but on the forfront, like a cocked rifle. If they're ever confronted by someone they recognize but don 't care much about, they blast one of these questions. "Hey, how 's it goin'?" Is that a conversation starter? It gets really bad when they shorten it even more to just "hey." What the HELL!? That's a waste of my air. Not only that, but your careless, emotionless, languid words have caused unrepairable damage to my ear drums (be it on the microscopic scale but, damage, none the less.) Well, Mr. I'm-asking-a-question-to-acknowledge-that-you-exist-but-don't-really-care, I'm on to you, pal! And I 've got something for ya.

Yes, I have something for ya, and it's worse. I have the answer! But before I get into "the answer" I want to take a moment to give another side to that ephemeral conversation. I believe people keep a healthy reserve of meaningless one-word answers at the forfront of their concience to combat this battle. Whenever they're forced to interact, they do so on a minimum operational power. They spill from their mouths these muck of answers to avoid all confrontation, like a monkey in a cage that just wants a cookie and all he has to do is smile and push the green button, but just stares at the cookie, pushing the red button. Try flinging some poo, monkey. At least someone will scream.

"How is your day?"
"Good."

"How are you feeling?"
"Fine."

"What was the average rainfall for the entire Amazon Basin in 1998?"
"Good." And they walk away, stiff armed and head down.

I'm a social person. I like interacting with people, but they keep throwing up these shields. Just once, I 'd like to hear, "Ya know ... my day is crapshit, I have a hangnail, I spilled coffee on my favorite shirt and I now have a headache, so fuck off right now!" This woudl be a good appeasement signal for "go away." Or perhaps something a little more positive, "OMG! I've been waiting for someone to ask me that question since I woke up. Thank you. Things could never be better, now." Or simply, "I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking."

Where's the love? Humans are social creatures, so why do we spend so much time being anti-social? Try asking a humanitarian how he is, see what response you get. (Lets save the fact that we treat total strangers better than our own family members for a later argument, even though everyone has heard it before.)

Back to "the answer", yes.. I have one. Whenever anyone asks "how are you?" I begin by saying, "I really don't like that question." Most of the time, they'll reply, "why?" Now THAT'S a conversation starter. If they don't, then they never really cared in the first place.